


i'll still wait for your call

by kismetNemesis



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29014047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kismetNemesis/pseuds/kismetNemesis
Summary: Once Broun is on the Blue Channel, they start having dreams.
Relationships: Kal'mera Broun/Valence
Comments: 9
Kudos: 12





	i'll still wait for your call

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ruemasde](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruemasde/gifts).



> For ruemasde, who wanted Balence fixit fic! Happy Secret Samol!

“Hey, Broun, come here.” 

Broun turned to look for the source of Valence’s voice, but there was nothing there. They floated in a featureless void, with no up or down.

“Broun, come over here!”

Broun tilted themself to the left, trying to triangulate their voice. How come there was a left, but no up or down?

“I can’t see you,” Broun finally said, frustrated and somehow embarrassed to admit it. “Where are you?”

“I’m here,” Valence replied. Suddenly, Broun realized they must be the void itself. So weird, how Valence was just a mist inside a robot most of the time. The mist coalesced out of the void, forming itself into eddies that fluttered around the edges of Broun’s vision.

“Broun!” Valence repeated. Broun spun in a circle, Valence’s mist scattering like the impressions of fingers against closed eyelids. 

“I can’t find you if you’re dead!” Broun snapped, and then woke up.

One of their ear-fins was stuck to their neck with sweat. They turned over in the straps that kept them tied to the bunk and groaned. Would they ever be able to get a solid night’s sleep again? It wasn’t the stress of their life, as Ryrira had suggested; if being stressed had ever made them lose sleep, they would never sleep at all. No, this was something different. 

Was it the Blue Channel, sleeping in space? Had their ambition of owning a starship consigned them to a lifetime of restless dreams? (Valence would have said something like that.) They did vaguely remember a customer talking about how they had to wear an eye mask and ear plugs whenever they slept in zero-g. Something about the little things in the inner ear that keep your balance. 

Maybe it was that _they_ had gotten them the ship. Valence. Broun forced themself to picture their face. Stupid, really, to be so hung up on them that they couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t what Valence would have wanted. They would want Broun to be doing what they were doing now: getting off-planet, finding a place for Millennium Break out in the stars.

They hadn’t died for Broun to sit around and wallow in their stupid feelings. 

Broun unstrapped themselves and pushed off the floor, heading for the main room, which contained both the food and the ship’s only artificial gravity. Maybe it would be good to get some tea and some gravity in them. Calm down those ear things. 

It was a few days into their flight to the Portcullis. The quiet after their tumultuous takedown felt eerie. Broun kept jumping at little things the ship did that surprised them, which really didn’t help with their image as “competent spaceship captain.” At least no one had asked if they were okay. They weren’t sure they could bear that kind of scrutiny right now.

Broun typed the code for hot water into the kitchen’s console, yawning as the liquid sputtered out into their cup. They wondered if they could get away with trying a little bit of the looseleaf tea Avar had brought.

The machine beeped to get Broun’s attention. Broun frowned. The little display that usually read “DONE” now read “COME HERE.”

They blinked, and the display went dead.

God, they needed more sleep.

-

Broun was lost in the endless warehouse where Valence had found the Blue Channel. They were looking for something. 

_Where is it, Valence?_ they called out psychically.

_Broun?_

_Who else can talk to you telepathically,_ Broun sent with a snort. _Of course, it’s me._

_Right. Uh, what was the question?_

_Where’s the thing I’m looking for?_

_Okay. Yeah. Two rows over._

Broun emerged into an open area, surrounded by various looping paths in the shelving. It was like they stood at the center of a large flower made of debris. There was nothing Broun could possibly construe as a “row.”

“You were always like this,” they said out loud. 

“Like what?” Valence asked. Their voice echoed all around the warehouse, as if it were empty.

“So confusing. Even though you could never hide anything. I just didn’t get you.” Broun sighed. “Always two rows over.”

“I’m right here now,” Valence urged. Broun suddenly realized they’d been talking about Valence in the third person. Reminiscing. 

“You’re not. You’re dead,” they insisted. Still, something pulled them towards a certain shelving unit...

Broun woke with a thud. In a moment of panic, they realized they were in the hallway, not their bunk. What the fuck? They spun frantically for a moment, only narrowly avoiding hitting a protruding pipe. Was the ship under attack?

No, everything was the same quiet as always... they must have sleepwalked. They closed their eyes and tried to calm down. They did have a vague, foggy memory of their sleep tethers coming undone in their hands, almost undoing themselves. 

They had to get a fucking grip.

-

That night, everyone on the ship sat down to have dinner to celebrate their last night in Partizan’s system. Creepy nightmares aside, it was hitting Broun that they had actually done it, they’d actually gotten off that stupid rock. They watched Thisbe playing with the baby and smiled into their glass of water.

“Cute, right?” Millie nudged Broun with her elbow. 

“Yeah. Pretty cute. I don’t know how they’re dealing with having a baby in zero-g.”

“Hey, beats me.” Millie took a bite of food, then glanced sidelong at Broun. “Broun, are you, um...”

Broun silently dared her to say “okay.”

“...sleeping? You look a little tired.” Millie gestured at the soft darkening around Broun’s neck gills. Broun had almost forgotten there was another Apostalosian on the ship.

“It’s been weird,” they admitted. “For you too?” Maybe this was an Apostalosian thing, and Broun could just stop worrying about it.”

“No, I mean, I’ve been fine.” Shit. “Have you tried an eye mask? Some of the other soldiers would use those in space...”

“Yeah, didn’t work.” Broun had just dreamed of Valence’s hands covering their eyes. In a way, they almost preferred the scary sleepwalking to something like that.

“Things are weird,” Millie shrugged. “Try to nap if you can, though, okay? You were great in the fight against Sabiha, we need you sharp.”

Millie almost manages to mask her concern. Broun has always appreciated professionals. 

-

Broun sat in the captain’s chair of the Blue Channel. Around them, every surface turned into a screen, flickering to life with Valence’s face.

“Stop it,” they whispered. 

“Broun, come here,” said one of the Valences. 

“Hey Broun, so... I wanted to record this...” said another.

“I would love to tell you this in person but like, I know you get weird about that sort of stuff? So I figured this would be easier for you.” As the third Valence spoke, Broun searched for some kind of button to turn the recording off. All the surfaces in the cockpit turned slick and nebulous under their fingers. 

Four Valences spoke in unison: “I think... I lied to you once. When I said that I couldn't go home. I mean, I could. It would take a lot. But I could. And you're... the only person that I really trust, or care to trust that with.”

The cockpit turned completely to mist, leaving Broun hanging in the void again. 

“I know you wanna leave, so... if you really wanna leave? You'll find out how... but I hope you don't. Cause I don't.” Broun lost track of how many voices were repeating the message as they curled into a ball and covered their ears. The last thing they heard before they woke up seemed to come from inside their brain:

“This place would suck without you.”

-

“I've been here damn near two weeks, nothing.”

“Oh?” Broun stood alone in the cockpit, using the ship’s comms to call out to the other ship waiting to use the Portcullis.

“By the way, I’m KRK 56. You can call me Krk.”

“I’m Broun.”

There was an awkward pause, as if Krk was waiting for someone else to introduce themself. Broun wondered if their social skills were slipping away with their sleep.

“Pleased to meet y'all. Uh, you’re a cool ship. I did a scan of you. I hope it's not a big deal. I'm just an inquisitive sort.”

“Uh, that’s fine.”

“The thing is, I got to get going and I'm a little worried because this is the longest I ever had to wait for the Portcullis to open. I’ve been doing this 57 years, you know.”

“Really? That’s impressive.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Um, not long.” Again, Krk seemed to wait for some other response. “Can I ask you some questions?”

“I’d be happy to chat more further down the route. It’s not every day you meet another ship.”

“Have you seen anyone else go through the Portcullis?”

“Neither come nor go. And it’s normally busy around this time of year.”

Krk explained how the Portcullis normally worked, and why he wasn’t able to get over to check on the delay--he was the ship itself. Normally, Broun didn’t like calling attention to people’s differences, but something deep inside Broun flagged this as important.

“So, you’re the ship, huh? Were you a person first?”

“I’m a person now.”

“Oh yeah, uh, sorry. I mean were you... an organic person? Or, I guess, did you have another body?”

“Nope, never. How about your ship?” Broun froze.

“What? It’s just a ship. Not alive or anything.”

“Are you lying to me, Broun?” Krk’s voice was amused, but also carried genuine confusion. “But I definitely picked up... huh. Who is... Valence?”

Broun found themself sitting in their captain’s chair, head spinning. 

“That’s your ship, right? They’re talking to me.”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

“I don’t know you well enough to joke, if I’m honest. But have you tried talking to your ship? I’m certain they’d talk back.”

With shaking fingers, Broun pulls up the first thing they can think of, the console for typing new commands into the Blue Channel. 

user > Valence?

console > Broun?

user > Is that really you?

console > I... think so. But I don’t know... I don’t know how much of me, or where I am. Oh. Your ship, right. Ohhhh.

user > You died...

console > I did? Well, I guess maybe I knew I might, since I put a piece of myself in here. It’s, uh, a Nobel thing.

user > And you didn’t tell me you put... what? Your soul? Some of your... mist? In my spaceship?

console > Broun...

user > You were DEAD!! We all thought you were dead!!

“Uh, Broun?” Krk’s voice came over the speakers. “Sorry to be the one to break it to you your ship’s alive, but I was really hoping you’d go and check out the Portcullis, seeing as I can’t...” 

“Just a sec,” Broun said distantly, staring at the console.

console > I’ve been calling out to you ever since you got on the ship. I could feel you were here.

console > I’m sorry. 

user > You couldn’t have said any of this in those stupid dreams?

console > I have barely any psychic power like this. I could only do so much.

console > I’m really sorry. I love you.

console > Uh. Sorry. I feel like if I died and I didn’t say that I should.

Broun almost forgot to breathe for a moment. Everything was too much. Part of them didn’t want to believe this was real, but a deep part of them could recognize how Valence talked anywhere. 

user > That’s fine. 

They buried their face in their hands at how stupid they sounded. 

user > Okay. Well. I have to deal with this Portcullis thing.

console > We made it to the Portcullis? That’s great!

user > I’m gonna go tell Millie and Thisbe to go deal with it. 

console > They’re here too?

user > Yeah. We’re setting up Millennium Break off-Partizan. 

console > So things went well after I died.

user > ...

console > I realize how that sounded. Uh, things went okay. 

user > “Okay,” yeah. 

console > Maybe once we make it to wherever we’re going you can help me find a new body. I’m not sure I like being a spaceship. 

user > I’m not sure I like that for you either. Okay, uh, be right back.

Broun stood up.

“Okay, Krk, sorry about that. We’ll go check out the Portcullis right away.” 

“Thank you. Really appreciate it.”

Broun went to the main room and told Millie and Thisbe to go, making up a vague excuse as to why they couldn’t go. They weren’t sure they’d ever get off the Blue Channel again.

When Millie and Thisbe were on their way, Broun came back to the console, heart bursting with a million things to say to Valence. They found one message waiting for them already: 

console > Will you tell me how I died? 

user > ...

user > I love you too.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, a lot of this was an excuse to write about Krk. I love Krk.


End file.
